Like you are now, I was once filled with hope. Hope that I could get ‘better,’ that I could ‘return to how I was before’ or at least, ‘feel good’ for a while.
We tell ourselves stories of how we got to this point in our lives – ‘Here’. The paths we took, and the ones left undiscovered. The words that were spoken, and the others we choked back. The daring deeds we did, and the even braver ones that took place inside our minds.
We want to be like The Healed, those brave warriors who fought their way from Hell to Here. Somewhere in their story, our proud hero or heroine will shout the one bit of magic that transformed them forever. Some swear by energy healing. Others say meditation. Still more prescribe getting lost to find yourself.
“Ah,” you say to yourself, “that’s what I need to do.” And off you go, following someone else’s cure for what ailed them, hoping it will also heal you.
Are you so different from the warriors who are already Here? No. We all started out the same. With hope.
Hope is the key ingredient. Hope is faith, an untouchable belief, that there is something better for you. Indeed, hope is what separates you from the mere dreamers. Hope is the spark that has you searching for the magic right now.
Without first having hope, nothing else can follow.
Because of course, something must follow.
And that something is action.
“What action are you talking about?” you ask, curiosity piqued. Why, any action at all, of course.
It is pure courage to take the first step, isn’t it? It’s a herculean effort to pick up the phone and admit that you need help. Maybe your fingers feel like lead as you drag them over the keyboard, asking for assistance. It takes pure conviction to decide that you will try anything in your search to get better. And then actually do it.
Courage is the act of doing something without the slightest reason to believe that it will work out all right, or at all. It’s doing something with the full knowledge that you just might fail. It’s the act of walking where previously only your talk had ventured.
I’ve had to take this meander through the wilds of unknown territory several times throughout my life. Believe me, each time was just as crazy scary as the first. In my blog, you will read about my latest journey. Most will never learn about my earlier journeys, at least not yet. One day I may be brave enough to share.
What fuels this courage? What makes you say “Excuse me,” as you gingerly step around your normally cautious self? What else? Hope. It’s the fire that turns a normally sedate belly into a warm glow that quietly radiates out to heat your furthest extremities. That dream you have, of how you think you can be? Hold tight to that, because it’s all you’ve got.
As your hope fuels your courage, and as each courageous step takes you down the rabbit hole of trial and error, of success and failure, which in turn fuels your hope, know this: your healing journey is as unique as the path you took to get here.
Now, I ask you. Strike that. I implore you. Stop looking for that singular bean that will magically transform your life. From years of experience, I know that it’s only after you complete your transformation, only after you have matched wits, crossed deserts and battled dragons, will you be able to look back and connect the dots that got you from Hell to Here. And once Here, you too will be crowing from the rooftops to those still stuck in Hell, that it was this ONE thing that saved you.
But was it really just one thing? It seems like it. It really does. However, it is just the cherry on top. It’s that singular moment when all the jumbled, jagged pieces are magically attracted to each other in just the right way and at just the right time, to reveal the picture that was there all along. I’m not saying this is bad. It’s good, because all journeys, no matter how amazing, need to come to a satisfying conclusion. If not, where would all the good stories come from?
What I am saying is, enjoy each step into something stinky. Revel in the naughty, perhaps even terrifying curiosity of Knockturn Alley, just as much as you scamper down the brightly lit streets of Diagon. For each right turn, expect several lefts.
Know that each step, no matter how wrong it seems at the time, is still a journey in the right direction. Know that you are learning, growing, and fitting those eternally frustrating puzzle pieces together with each courageous step you take. Nothing is ever wasted, unless you choose to throw it away.
Does your belly burn with hope? Are you courageous enough to take a step, any step, that may deliver you from Hell to Here? If so, then join the ranks of the warriors. Have faith that you found yourself here, reading this now, for some greater purpose. Realize that the path before you is shrouded in mystery, while having hope that all will be revealed.
Alisen Dopf 